Whatever you do, do NOT give a princess a broadsword. When Lord Willoughby hauls a hefty crate from the family hoard and presents his niece, Princess Amarinta, with a gleaming blade, the entire castle is in for a very bad day.

Amarinta wastes no time. The grand drawing room curtains are slashed to ribbons, the topiary corgis are pruned to the bone, and poor Nanny Hester loses her hat. Armoured knights flee the castle, Sir Gideon hides in a grandfather clock, and a magnificent Victoria sponge meets its sticky, jam-splattered end. The King and Queen can do nothing but cower in the pantry with a fondue while they wait for the tiny terror to tire herself out.

At last she drops the sword, the castle breathes a collective sigh of relief, and all seems well — until Amarinta wanders into the yard and discovers a fully loaded siege trebuchet. And a cow.

Perfect for toddlers and early readers (ages 2–6), Never Give a Princess a Sword is a riotously funny, beautifully illustrated picture book about what happens when you put the wrong gift in the right hands.

Kids and parents will love:

Laugh-Out-Loud Humour: A gleeful escalation of royal chaos — from slashed curtains to catapulted cows — that will have children (and grown-ups) in stitches at every page turn.

Bouncy, Rhythmic Rhymes: Lively rhyming couplets on every page that are a joy to read aloud and help build early language and listening skills.

A Brilliantly Bold Heroine: Princess Amarinta is fearless, unstoppable, and utterly charming — a pint-sized force of nature children will adore cheering on.

Gentle Life Lessons: A warm, age-appropriate reminder that every gift has consequences — and that the most unexpected adventures come from the most unexpected presents.