The epic journey of a terminally seasick youth, an entrepreneur who hasn't washed for three days and a captain who's sunk every vessel he's ever sailed in... It all sounded pretty cushty, £15,000 to collect some diamonds from Amsterdam for Boycie and Abdul with just a few snags. There's some dodgy geezer called Van Cleef at the Dutch end. Chief Inspector Slater back home and a small matter of a great customs hall in the middle. Then a brilliant idea enters Del's mind: let old sea dog Uncle Albert take the helm and sail across.